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From a very early age I came to believe that unless an activity felt hard it was not worthwhile, it had less value. I have a memory frozen in mind of coming out to the playground in grade school and telling my peers that the math homework was “so hard.” I breathed a deep sigh and mimicked the sound of effort I had heard from my elders many times and which came to signify integrity and a job well done. I remember noticing that my peers barely took notice of my exasperation but instead turned to the fun of recess and play.

Now here I am decades later trying to undo this idea that effort does not have to be part of good work at least in the way that I have internalized. In fact, the real effort comes in redirecting my thinking and learning to undo old habits so that what can emerge are ways of doing things that are full of ease, not effort. It is a humbling discovery to learn that things don’t have to feel hard and that by getting out of my way I can be in the world in a way that feels more like being lifted on a breeze. It’s humbling but also deeply nurturing and supportive. Rather, the effort comes in the discipline; the discipline to keep believing, trusting and most importantly practicing every day for the rest of my days.

I love this idea of letting things come to me through this practice. It’s not a hard, narrow focus which solves problems, but a soft, wide open one that responds to the world. Less control, more awareness. The practice is one that rewards through feeling less physical pain, creating more resonant sound and releasing a spirit which is wide and curious; joyful like a kid on the playground.
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It has to be hopeful, this kind of practice. It can’t be finite as in accomplishing tasks or looking for success by being busy or collecting a list of accomplishments. It comes with a belief that wisdom comes with time and persistence in the awareness. The courage to notice and to let be.

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Colleen Jennings is a violinist and teacher based in Amherst, MA. Formerly, she was the second violinist of the Apple Hill String Quartet and Co-Artistic Director of the Apple Hill Center for Chamber Music which won the 2016 CMAcclaim award from Chamber Music America. Currently, she is on the music faculty at both UMass, Amherst and Smith College. She teaches privately and coaches chamber music from her home. ​​

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